Expressing your colors

Expressing your colors

As a spiritual teacher I come to understand that perfectionism is an illusion. No matter how long I’ve tried to be the perfect daughter, friend, sister or healer, life took me back to the same conclusion: “Being human is multifaceted. We are here to express ourselves and learn through duality.”

I was so keen on focusing on the goodness and I was so sharp in judging and rejecting the badness that I split myself. I was so split that it felt like putting myself in a thousand of boxes. Now, that I come to accept that I am a dual being living in a dual world and we express ourselves in duality, I am embracing and integrating both sides of myself.

Let me share with you a story that made me understand that we are part of everything that is and all that we are is enough. You will find here 3 relevant questions that will help you break through your own judgement and fears.

In the second week of my training in Barbara Brennon School of Healing we had to express our negative pleasure and darkest desires into an art form. When the teacher gave us this assignment my muscles became tense, my breath became shallow, and I curved my body into a protection pose. Imagine me slowly stepping away from my classmates and looking for a corner to hide. A voice within me said: “No one can see that part of me. That part of me is bad! I have to be perfect as I am a good girl.”.

In that moment I realized that no matter how far I run, no matter how much I hide, I will take those emotions and beliefs with me. So, another voice of myself said: “Ok, what’s the worst that can happen?”. The next second, an avalanche of images and emotions rolled out of me like I had opened Pandora’s box. It was a clear movie of my life with all the moments and situations that terrified me. I ran to the worktable and I started to paint everything that was shown to me.

The minute I finished my artwork the fear of negative pleasure and dark desire that I was hiding for so long was now there, in front of me, in a physical form. I looked at it again and again and I asked myself: “What is so scary about this? Why do I let this control my life?”.

I looked around to see what my colleagues have created and all I could see was the same creation in various shapes and colors. Instantly I become aware that no matter the depth of our fears, no matter the belief systems, we all reflect parts of creation in one another. Therefore, another deep question popped up: “How can I judge myself without judging others and can I really judge others without judging myself?”.

Camelia Miza
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